How I Walk

Through my entire life, I have learned much about faith and it's friends, mercy, grace, forgiveness, etc. Recently, I have been asked several times how I can still stand after being down so many times, be it by my own mistakes causing me to stumble or by being pushed to the ground. No matter what, my answer is always the same........faith. By faith I shall prevail.
 Faith gave me the strength and ability to rise and walk through a life of silence and hurt.

Faith gave me forgiveness and changed me into a new person. And one that is silent no more.

Faith gave me the strength to handle the obstacles that came my way with moving and leaving friends and family behind. The best part was, I probably wouldn't be as close to any of them today if it wasn't for that.

Faith gave me the strength to set my own selfish needs aside and remember that God and my girls are number one and that the rest of my life is a long time.

Faith gave me mercy when I didn't think I could make it when the doctor said, "I'm sorry, but there is no more baby."

Faith gave me the strength, grace, mercy and forgiveness when I hurt my good friend to what seemed beyond repair. When I had to take lessons in humility and learn alot about myself. When I had to find new ground to stand on and find a new friendship, which I think could be better than before.......faith was there.

Faith gives me strength to stand against those who oppose me and seem it fitting to 'hit me with their best shot'.

Faith gives me forgiveness when I say or think something that is hurtful and rude to someone else because my flesh rises up in me.

Faith gives me strength, mercy and grace when my phone rings and a girl is on the other end who thinks she can't make it another day and all she needs is someone to listen.

Faith gives me strength on those days when I feel I've failed Him, on the days I get tired of staring at my white walls and I'm not counting my blessings, during the times I feel I've been failed and when I think that nothing seems to be going my way.

Faith reminds me of the strength, mercy, grace, forgiveness, love, wisdom, integrity, dignity and other attributes that my God has bestowed upon me because I am His daughter. I may not always see it and people may not always agree with it, but God does, and I am His and He is mine. There are so many things I have not understood, and yet, through it all, God has always been faithful! Just like Mama Erin has told me for years now......."Keep your head held high and walk in the grace and dignity God gave you. If you do, when you walk through the fire, you won't be burned, and in the end, the truth will always set you free."

And so I shall continue to walk......

The Love Emotion

I was listening to Jeff as he popped off the seal
About what sex does to a culture and what it reveals.
My mind started turning and I started to rhyme,
But my heart knew I needed to write, this was the right time.

“Take a rape victim for example and once it’s revealed,
When the bruises go away, is she totally healed?
Nah, the damage is lasting, you can see it in her eyes.
But if it was just abused recreation, why did it ruin her life?
I mean, if sex is just for fun, why does it take such a toll?
Maybe it’s because you don’t have sex with a body, you have sex with a soul.”

This hit me really hard and I started to cry,
You see my past goes back twenty-one years, back to the age of nine.
I never saw it coming, I never had a defense,
The empty confused looks on their faces will never make sense.
What kind of satisfaction do you get from abused recreation?
This type of thinking, is this what we want to teach this generation?

Casual sex is a façade, and not how God meant it to be.
It’s like handing a girl her sign that says, “Use and Abuse Me.”
You have to understand what goes on in a girl’s head,
You need to love her for her before you ever get her in bed.
For us it’s emotional, there are always strings attached,
But if you can’t respect her, then she isn’t your match.

I know sex is fun, I’m not trying to be a hater,
But fun aside, the consequences are far greater.
The shame that you feel when someone touches you with no love,
Is like standing on the edge of a cliff just waiting for a shove.
You feel unwanted and dirty, lips not moving but wanting to scream.
You scrub your skin until it bleeds, but it never feels clean.

So guys, think twice before you disrespect a lady and ruin her life,
She’s someone’s daughter, sister, future mother and wife.
You have no idea what a smile can hide,
But the emotional scarring won’t easily subside.
Find out if she’s smart and sweet, and not just if she’s hot.
Your body makes a promise to her, whether you do or not.

Now ladies, before you get excited, we’re far from off the hook.
Dressed to the nines, you walk by him slowly, giving him that look.
Yeah, you know what I mean, so we don’t make it easy.
Guys are all visual, so when they see you, what they see is pleasing.
So if you want the respect, you need to give it in return.
And with the way society teaches us, sometimes that is hard to learn.

 I’d say, “Watch what you wear.”, but don’t want to be misheard,
But often what you’re wearing gets attention without you saying a word.
Stilettos, short skirts, tight shirts and jeans, yeah, you know where it’s at,
Just remember it’s not necessary for him to know Victoria’s Secret.
Now does this mean what you’re wearing justifies an action? No, so no yelling yet.
This isn’t a speech about how if you dress like that, hurt is what you get.

But guys love curves, so if you show them, you can’t condemn if they look
Mixed with flirty attitudes and the kissy profile pics we took,
It’s no wonder sometimes respect isn’t given.
Like I said before, guys are visually driven.
There is life and death in the tongue, so watch what you say
Even in fun, it has an effect, and will get worse day by day.
They deserve our respect as much as we deserve theirs,
So don’t get defensive, just pay heed to what you’ve heard.

My final topic is one that causes my heart to beat out of beat,
Because it brings up my past and my face starts to heat.
Respect is what I’ve talked about, but this point is even more real.
What has happened in your past is nothing to conceal.

One night a pastor stopped his sermon with a word for me and I started to cry.
He saw the pain in my past and I saw the mercy in his eyes.
He said, “Those burdens aren’t yours, lay them at His feet.”
I said, “I’m covered in sin and shame, He wouldn’t want me.”
“It’s exactly what He wants,” he whispered, tears coursing down his face,
 “That’s why years ago He gave His life and justice met grace.”

God saved my life and my death that night, but there’s even more,
That mercy and grace I found, that can be yours.
But you can’t give love if you don’t love yourself,
So go to the only one that can truly make you melt.
He’ll love you and care for you, and make you white as snow,
I know it’s sounds cliché, but it’s how the story goes.

Have respect for yourself, just like you would for another,
Because trust me, there is nothing attractive about having a big number.
‘It’s not love, but it’s close enough’, isn’t right, there’s so much more.
You aren’t made for failure and hurt, victory is yours.
It took me years to learn this, but it’s all so true.
Jesus should be first, He’s the only One that can truly love you.

**These are my personal words after hearing Jeff Bethke's Open Mic Night Poem, Sexual Healing. If you haven't heard it, you need to.  It's an amazing aspect about how backwards this society is on the subject of sex and love. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IlJFvxad1_A