R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Respect......today I found out what it meant to a lot of people, including myself. Today Westboro Baptist Church showed up in Simpsonville, South Carolina, where I work, to protest the funeral of a 20 year old fallen soldier, Justin Whitmire. He was killed in the line of duty and deserves our utmost respect.

I was raised in a family where I was taught to respect everyone, regardless of age, sex, race, religion, circumstance, etc. There is so much to learn from other people. I truly believe that most are good at heart, and that everyone has something positive to offer to this world. Now, have I always done that? Heh, no. I'd be lying if I said I did. There have been many I've lost respect for, however, most I've gained back, at least to some extent. But in those moments, I still learned something.

Today I had to serve coffee, donuts and anything else on our menu to members of the Westboro Baptist Church. Having seen and heard about many of their protests, the very idea made me want to vomit. I had decided that if they came through our door and I knew they were a protestor, I would do a protest of my own and use my right to refuse service to them. If another member of our team wished to serve them, so be it. My own silent stance against them. Unfortunately that didn't happen because we became so busy that we didn't know Adam from Eve as we practically tossed products at people. Amongst that insane rush were members of Westboro wearing buttons with Justin's picture on their lapels with an X over his face. Such shame I felt, knowing we had no option but to serve them.

After the calm of the rush came, we went to help defend the Whitmire family against any attacks, joining forces with the thousands on foot and bikes that came to do the same. It was such a feeling of unity, and while at times it felt like a parade, it also felt like such an honour to do something to respect a young man that gave up his life so I could stand there holding my flag. I gained a lot of respect for those that were around me. People had come from near and far solely to make sure the family could lay their son, brother, cousin, nephew, grandson and friend to rest peacefully.

Mother Teresa said, "There is always the danger that we may just do the work for the sake of the work. This is where the respect and the love and the devotion come in - that we do it to God, to Christ, and that's why we try to do it as beautifully as possible." I may not have wanted to serve those Westboro people, but I like to think that my attitude after I realized what we had to do was in the right spot. Perhaps this is some of the only kindness these people ever see, and I wouldn't want to place shame on the city that lost such a great young man. I also wouldn't want to disappoint God, who obviously placed them in our path in such a way for a reason.

We protected you because you protected us.

Rest in Peace PFC Justin Whitmire

I Am Me

My first 2012 New Years Resolution is to erase what I see everyday. From the time I was 9, I labeled myself with many different labels due to things that happened to me, things I did, people I hurt, and what I felt like I had become. When I started Celebrate Recovery I knew I feared these labels being true and I needed to face them head on. I wrote out, on my mirror, what adjectives of myself I feared the most, and I noticed as the weeks went on, that I started to not look at that side of the mirror anymore. The words started to blur within me as well. I don't ever want to be narcissistic, but I also don't want to always think of myself in a negative light. So today I wipe those words off of my mirror and out of my mind. A few of them are: dirty, unworthy, unlikeable, not smart enough, never good enough, liar, etc. These are labels I wore as I tried for perfection, which is an illusion. God has designed us not to be perfect, but to be healthy, happy and whole, and that is what I am. Now my mirror will say, I AM ME!

Beginning to End

If anyone does happen to read these posts and they start at the beginning, which was in 2010, I think, I just want to clarify that I have only left them up because my prayer for 2012 is that people begin to see the change in me. If you read those posts, they are full of bitterness, hurt and anger, and I was very full of all of those. But God has radically turned my life around, and while I'll still have my moments as we all do, I pray that the posts of 2012 show who I am now. I still have much to learn and much to work on, but when I read ALL of my posts, I see a HUGE change.

~Chele

My 2011

One of my New Years Resolutions is to write in this thing at least every other day, just for my own sanity. Even if no one ever reads it, I'll have it to look back on. As for my first post, I thought I'd write about 2011...........hold on tight, lol.

For me, 2011 started out with a divorce and moving into the city with a roommate. It was a hard decision to make, it definitely wasn't the favored one, however it was the best decision for me. I started attending a new church and started working. My life was hectic, I worked alot and I let work get in the way of me seeing my girls. I would call and cancel last minute or I'd end up being too tired, and I suffered for it. I wish I could change it, but the only way to do that is to not let it happen again.

With a new life came new friends. I worked with a lot of great girls, but they were also young. I noticed my language got bad, things I would normally never say were constantly flying from my mouth, and I had to learn the hard way about being impressionable. I would rather be a leader, not a follower, but thus wasn't the case. I also made friends at church, and my roommate Lora and I had mutual friends. I began to notice the healthy, God-filled environment that Lora and I had created in our home start to crumble. Satan attacked us in every way possible and while we thought we were fighting him, we weren't fighting him the right way.

July was the worst month of all. Rylee's birthday was July 1 (the only happy occasion), I quit my job on July 2 and on July 3 I broke my heel and my ankle. July 4th our friend and Lora's Mercy sister, Chandra checked in to a treatment center and on July 6th she came to live with us. July 8th held a great anniversary for Lora, 1 year free from self-harm addiction, and I'm grateful we got to celebrate. July 13th Lora had her gallbladder removed and July 18th I had metal put in my foot. July 24th we all got into a huge fight and I ended up leaving the house for good. July 25th I spoke to Lora for the very last time, and July 31st I decided to stay with my best friend Rachel and her husband until I figured out what to do.

When I was originally looking for a place like Mercy, I found 3. One was The Refuge in Vero Beach, FL, one was Word of God Ministries in Greenville, SC and the other was The Hope House in NY. So I decided to come to the Word of God Ministries in Greenville, SC, against everyone's wishes. I had several friends there, one in particular that they did not like at all. But I knew what I was coming for and nothing or no one was going to hold me back. Of course, this meant leaving my girls, and while that was hard, it was also a peaceful decision because I knew I couldn't be the kind of Mom they needed until I got the help, and that meant removing distractions.

So here I am, I left Sept. 1, 2011, and I am doing amazing. I was counseled by Elizabeth at the WOG Ministry and she led me to Celebrate Recovery. There are over 19,000 CR across this nation, and it is an amazing program helping everyone from the faithless to the people with lists a mile long. I think everyone could benefit from CR, it's full of amazing people. It's really hard being away from my family, but I know I did the right thing in order to allow myself to allow God to work in me and make me whole.

So here is where I start my 2012. Praise God for allowing me to even still be alive on this blessed planet, and for keeping everyone I love safe! Let's go 2012, I'm ready for you!