Secrets

It's nothing small to carry around a secret so big.  I, of all people, should recognize this.  As much as I am the talker, I'm also very quiet when it comes to my own personal life, secrets bottled up for years.  But now I'm done being silent, Satan has taken enough from me and I refuse to stand by and watch.

I led a double life as a child.  On the outside I was everything I was supposed to be, but on the inside, I was slowly dying.  When I was nine years old, an unthinkable act happened to me.  To me.  I remember always watching Lifetime movies with my Mom and thinking, "Those poor women and children, to endure such tragedy, I don't know how they do it."

It's been 20 years now.  Twenty years and I can still smell the fresh cut grass and the heat of the brick against my back.  I can smell their sweat and it causes me to gag.  I can hear their voices and see the blank expressions on their faces.  I can feel my hair being pulled and remember what it's like to choke on my own vomit.

The age old rhyme of 'Secrets, secrets are no fun.  Secrets, secrets hurt someone.' rings very true here, however, at the age of nine I would've never guessed how much evil would've rooted itself in my life.  It's like a cancer that just spreads, but it stops now.

God has saved my life and He has saved my death, and it's time to start living.  It's time to not be afraid of fear anymore and to trust people......and myself.  It's nothing very small to carry around secrets so big, trust me.