I was listening to Jeff as he popped off the seal
About what sex does to a culture and what it reveals.
My mind started turning and I started to rhyme,
But my heart knew I needed to write, this was the right time.
“Take a rape victim for example and once it’s revealed,
When the bruises go away, is she totally healed?
Nah, the damage is lasting, you can see it in her eyes.
But if it was just abused recreation, why did it ruin her life?
I mean, if sex is just for fun, why does it take such a toll?
Maybe it’s because you don’t have sex with a body, you have sex with a soul.”
This hit me really hard and I started to cry,
You see my past goes back twenty-one years, back to the age of nine.
I never saw it coming, I never had a defense,
The empty confused looks on their faces will never make sense.
What kind of satisfaction do you get from abused recreation?
This type of thinking, is this what we want to teach this generation?
Casual sex is a façade, and not how God meant it to be.
It’s like handing a girl her sign that says, “Use and Abuse Me.”
You have to understand what goes on in a girl’s head,
You need to love her for her before you ever get her in bed.
For us it’s emotional, there are always strings attached,
But if you can’t respect her, then she isn’t your match.
I know sex is fun, I’m not trying to be a hater,
But fun aside, the consequences are far greater.
The shame that you feel when someone touches you with no love,
Is like standing on the edge of a cliff just waiting for a shove.
You feel unwanted and dirty, lips not moving but wanting to scream.
You scrub your skin until it bleeds, but it never feels clean.
So guys, think twice before you disrespect a lady and ruin her life,
She’s someone’s daughter, sister, future mother and wife.
You have no idea what a smile can hide,
But the emotional scarring won’t easily subside.
Find out if she’s smart and sweet, and not just if she’s hot.
Your body makes a promise to her, whether you do or not.
Now ladies, before you get excited, we’re far from off the hook.
Dressed to the nines, you walk by him slowly, giving him that look.
Yeah, you know what I mean, so we don’t make it easy.
Guys are all visual, so when they see you, what they see is pleasing.
So if you want the respect, you need to give it in return.
And with the way society teaches us, sometimes that is hard to learn.
I’d say, “Watch what you wear.”, but don’t want to be misheard,
But often what you’re wearing gets attention without you saying a word.
Stilettos, short skirts, tight shirts and jeans, yeah, you know where it’s at,
Just remember it’s not necessary for him to know Victoria’s Secret.
Now does this mean what you’re wearing justifies an action? No, so no yelling yet.
This isn’t a speech about how if you dress like that, hurt is what you get.
But guys love curves, so if you show them, you can’t condemn if they look
Mixed with flirty attitudes and the kissy profile pics we took,
It’s no wonder sometimes respect isn’t given.
Like I said before, guys are visually driven.
There is life and death in the tongue, so watch what you say
Even in fun, it has an effect, and will get worse day by day.
They deserve our respect as much as we deserve theirs,
So don’t get defensive, just pay heed to what you’ve heard.
My final topic is one that causes my heart to beat out of beat,
Because it brings up my past and my face starts to heat.
Respect is what I’ve talked about, but this point is even more real.
What has happened in your past is nothing to conceal.
One night a pastor stopped his sermon with a word for me and I started to cry.
He saw the pain in my past and I saw the mercy in his eyes.
He said, “Those burdens aren’t yours, lay them at His feet.”
I said, “I’m covered in sin and shame, He wouldn’t want me.”
“It’s exactly what He wants,” he whispered, tears coursing down his face,
“That’s why years ago He gave His life and justice met grace.”
God saved my life and my death that night, but there’s even more,
That mercy and grace I found, that can be yours.
But you can’t give love if you don’t love yourself,
So go to the only one that can truly make you melt.
He’ll love you and care for you, and make you white as snow,
I know it’s sounds cliché, but it’s how the story goes.
Have respect for yourself, just like you would for another,
Because trust me, there is nothing attractive about having a big number.
‘It’s not love, but it’s close enough’, isn’t right, there’s so much more.
You aren’t made for failure and hurt, victory is yours.
It took me years to learn this, but it’s all so true.
Jesus should be first, He’s the only One that can truly love you.
**These are my personal words after hearing Jeff Bethke's Open Mic Night Poem, Sexual Healing. If you haven't heard it, you need to. It's an amazing aspect about how backwards this society is on the subject of sex and love. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IlJFvxad1_A
Monday, March 5, 2012
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Finished
انتهى (Arabic), завършен (Bulgarian), skončil (Czech), færdig (Danish), terminée (French), finito (Italian)........finished. The sounds are all as different as the lands from which they came, yet when it comes down to it, the translation in English slang would be: fade to black, roll the credits, the fat lady is singing......that's it.
I suppose we don't put too much emphasis on this word, however, it holds a lot of power. Lately I have heard, "I don't want to turn out like him/her!" so much that it has truly affected me. Placing a judgement on someone definitely bothers me so much, I try my hardest not to do it, however, when you place that type of a label on someone, you have no idea what you are doing.
It bothers me to hear someone say that, because it all actuality, God isn't finished with us yet. As long as we have breath in our lungs, we are alive and God is still completing His work within us. Isaiah 64:8 says, "We are the clay, You are the potter. We are all the work of Your hands." I have a lot to learn. I’m in awe that the older I get I find out just how much I still have left to learn. Are you the same way? It’s not that I thought I would get smarter along the way, I guess it’s just that I thought I would know how to more confidently handle those things that DID come my way! And I know that’s not always the case. Thank heavens God doesn’t leave me this way! I am so glad that I get the chance to continue to learn and grow – and I’m trying to grasp that opportunity with both hands.
I may not know it all but one thing I do know and have learned is that it’s okay to not know it all. It’s okay for me to admit that “I don’t know” or that I might have made a mistake. I don’t want to be a “poser” or someone who acts like they have it all together; because I certainly don’t. God didn't design us to be perfect, He designed us to be happy, healthy and whole.
No matter how old we are, we can still be learning. We can still be growing, bettering ourselves, rethinking things, and changing our minds about what we like and who we want to be! It’s okay! Don’t let the world scare you into thinking you can never change your mind! I change my mind a lot. Each time I do I seem to get a little closer to the vision I have for myself and what I want for my life. So it’s more than okay to change your mind as long as you find yourself moving forward.
God isn’t finished with me yet. He’s not finished with you either. And those people that we say, "I don't want to turn out like them!" about, He's not done with them either. There’s a lot in our lives to whittle away, mold, scrape off, throw out, gently prod about, and sift. Sometimes it’s painful and other times it’s welcome… just like a storm. But either way we can find solace in the fact that He loves us and He has a beautiful plan for us. He’s not out to harm us, He doesn’t intend on neglecting us, and He doesn’t ever shame us. He encourages, guides, sometimes disciplines, and always, always continues to try and get our attention so we can grab hold onto the life He has in mind for us – a fulfilling life.
I want that. Don’t you? So let’s keep on learning. Let’s do what it takes to gain wisdom, discernment and grow from our past and our mistakes. Let’s swallow our pride and learn humility as we follow His leading and direction. If we want to be better people, if we want to be all that we can be for Him (and for ourselves) it’s the only way.
Trust in Him- for He’s not finished with you yet.
I suppose we don't put too much emphasis on this word, however, it holds a lot of power. Lately I have heard, "I don't want to turn out like him/her!" so much that it has truly affected me. Placing a judgement on someone definitely bothers me so much, I try my hardest not to do it, however, when you place that type of a label on someone, you have no idea what you are doing.
It bothers me to hear someone say that, because it all actuality, God isn't finished with us yet. As long as we have breath in our lungs, we are alive and God is still completing His work within us. Isaiah 64:8 says, "We are the clay, You are the potter. We are all the work of Your hands." I have a lot to learn. I’m in awe that the older I get I find out just how much I still have left to learn. Are you the same way? It’s not that I thought I would get smarter along the way, I guess it’s just that I thought I would know how to more confidently handle those things that DID come my way! And I know that’s not always the case. Thank heavens God doesn’t leave me this way! I am so glad that I get the chance to continue to learn and grow – and I’m trying to grasp that opportunity with both hands.
I may not know it all but one thing I do know and have learned is that it’s okay to not know it all. It’s okay for me to admit that “I don’t know” or that I might have made a mistake. I don’t want to be a “poser” or someone who acts like they have it all together; because I certainly don’t. God didn't design us to be perfect, He designed us to be happy, healthy and whole.
No matter how old we are, we can still be learning. We can still be growing, bettering ourselves, rethinking things, and changing our minds about what we like and who we want to be! It’s okay! Don’t let the world scare you into thinking you can never change your mind! I change my mind a lot. Each time I do I seem to get a little closer to the vision I have for myself and what I want for my life. So it’s more than okay to change your mind as long as you find yourself moving forward.
God isn’t finished with me yet. He’s not finished with you either. And those people that we say, "I don't want to turn out like them!" about, He's not done with them either. There’s a lot in our lives to whittle away, mold, scrape off, throw out, gently prod about, and sift. Sometimes it’s painful and other times it’s welcome… just like a storm. But either way we can find solace in the fact that He loves us and He has a beautiful plan for us. He’s not out to harm us, He doesn’t intend on neglecting us, and He doesn’t ever shame us. He encourages, guides, sometimes disciplines, and always, always continues to try and get our attention so we can grab hold onto the life He has in mind for us – a fulfilling life.
I want that. Don’t you? So let’s keep on learning. Let’s do what it takes to gain wisdom, discernment and grow from our past and our mistakes. Let’s swallow our pride and learn humility as we follow His leading and direction. If we want to be better people, if we want to be all that we can be for Him (and for ourselves) it’s the only way.
Trust in Him- for He’s not finished with you yet.
Saturday, January 7, 2012
R-E-S-P-E-C-T
Respect......today I found out what it meant to a lot of people, including myself. Today Westboro Baptist Church showed up in Simpsonville, South Carolina, where I work, to protest the funeral of a 20 year old fallen soldier, Justin Whitmire. He was killed in the line of duty and deserves our utmost respect.
I was raised in a family where I was taught to respect everyone, regardless of age, sex, race, religion, circumstance, etc. There is so much to learn from other people. I truly believe that most are good at heart, and that everyone has something positive to offer to this world. Now, have I always done that? Heh, no. I'd be lying if I said I did. There have been many I've lost respect for, however, most I've gained back, at least to some extent. But in those moments, I still learned something.
Today I had to serve coffee, donuts and anything else on our menu to members of the Westboro Baptist Church. Having seen and heard about many of their protests, the very idea made me want to vomit. I had decided that if they came through our door and I knew they were a protestor, I would do a protest of my own and use my right to refuse service to them. If another member of our team wished to serve them, so be it. My own silent stance against them. Unfortunately that didn't happen because we became so busy that we didn't know Adam from Eve as we practically tossed products at people. Amongst that insane rush were members of Westboro wearing buttons with Justin's picture on their lapels with an X over his face. Such shame I felt, knowing we had no option but to serve them.
After the calm of the rush came, we went to help defend the Whitmire family against any attacks, joining forces with the thousands on foot and bikes that came to do the same. It was such a feeling of unity, and while at times it felt like a parade, it also felt like such an honour to do something to respect a young man that gave up his life so I could stand there holding my flag. I gained a lot of respect for those that were around me. People had come from near and far solely to make sure the family could lay their son, brother, cousin, nephew, grandson and friend to rest peacefully.
Mother Teresa said, "There is always the danger that we may just do the work for the sake of the work. This is where the respect and the love and the devotion come in - that we do it to God, to Christ, and that's why we try to do it as beautifully as possible." I may not have wanted to serve those Westboro people, but I like to think that my attitude after I realized what we had to do was in the right spot. Perhaps this is some of the only kindness these people ever see, and I wouldn't want to place shame on the city that lost such a great young man. I also wouldn't want to disappoint God, who obviously placed them in our path in such a way for a reason.
We protected you because you protected us.
Rest in Peace PFC Justin Whitmire
Monday, January 2, 2012
Beginning to End
If anyone does happen to read these posts and they start at the beginning, which was in 2010, I think, I just want to clarify that I have only left them up because my prayer for 2012 is that people begin to see the change in me. If you read those posts, they are full of bitterness, hurt and anger, and I was very full of all of those. But God has radically turned my life around, and while I'll still have my moments as we all do, I pray that the posts of 2012 show who I am now. I still have much to learn and much to work on, but when I read ALL of my posts, I see a HUGE change.
~Chele
~Chele
My 2011
One of my New Years Resolutions is to write in this thing at least every other day, just for my own sanity. Even if no one ever reads it, I'll have it to look back on. As for my first post, I thought I'd write about 2011...........hold on tight, lol.
For me, 2011 started out with a divorce and moving into the city with a roommate. It was a hard decision to make, it definitely wasn't the favored one, however it was the best decision for me. I started attending a new church and started working. My life was hectic, I worked alot and I let work get in the way of me seeing my girls. I would call and cancel last minute or I'd end up being too tired, and I suffered for it. I wish I could change it, but the only way to do that is to not let it happen again.
With a new life came new friends. I worked with a lot of great girls, but they were also young. I noticed my language got bad, things I would normally never say were constantly flying from my mouth, and I had to learn the hard way about being impressionable. I would rather be a leader, not a follower, but thus wasn't the case. I also made friends at church, and my roommate Lora and I had mutual friends. I began to notice the healthy, God-filled environment that Lora and I had created in our home start to crumble. Satan attacked us in every way possible and while we thought we were fighting him, we weren't fighting him the right way.
July was the worst month of all. Rylee's birthday was July 1 (the only happy occasion), I quit my job on July 2 and on July 3 I broke my heel and my ankle. July 4th our friend and Lora's Mercy sister, Chandra checked in to a treatment center and on July 6th she came to live with us. July 8th held a great anniversary for Lora, 1 year free from self-harm addiction, and I'm grateful we got to celebrate. July 13th Lora had her gallbladder removed and July 18th I had metal put in my foot. July 24th we all got into a huge fight and I ended up leaving the house for good. July 25th I spoke to Lora for the very last time, and July 31st I decided to stay with my best friend Rachel and her husband until I figured out what to do.
When I was originally looking for a place like Mercy, I found 3. One was The Refuge in Vero Beach, FL, one was Word of God Ministries in Greenville, SC and the other was The Hope House in NY. So I decided to come to the Word of God Ministries in Greenville, SC, against everyone's wishes. I had several friends there, one in particular that they did not like at all. But I knew what I was coming for and nothing or no one was going to hold me back. Of course, this meant leaving my girls, and while that was hard, it was also a peaceful decision because I knew I couldn't be the kind of Mom they needed until I got the help, and that meant removing distractions.
So here I am, I left Sept. 1, 2011, and I am doing amazing. I was counseled by Elizabeth at the WOG Ministry and she led me to Celebrate Recovery. There are over 19,000 CR across this nation, and it is an amazing program helping everyone from the faithless to the people with lists a mile long. I think everyone could benefit from CR, it's full of amazing people. It's really hard being away from my family, but I know I did the right thing in order to allow myself to allow God to work in me and make me whole.
So here is where I start my 2012. Praise God for allowing me to even still be alive on this blessed planet, and for keeping everyone I love safe! Let's go 2012, I'm ready for you!
For me, 2011 started out with a divorce and moving into the city with a roommate. It was a hard decision to make, it definitely wasn't the favored one, however it was the best decision for me. I started attending a new church and started working. My life was hectic, I worked alot and I let work get in the way of me seeing my girls. I would call and cancel last minute or I'd end up being too tired, and I suffered for it. I wish I could change it, but the only way to do that is to not let it happen again.
With a new life came new friends. I worked with a lot of great girls, but they were also young. I noticed my language got bad, things I would normally never say were constantly flying from my mouth, and I had to learn the hard way about being impressionable. I would rather be a leader, not a follower, but thus wasn't the case. I also made friends at church, and my roommate Lora and I had mutual friends. I began to notice the healthy, God-filled environment that Lora and I had created in our home start to crumble. Satan attacked us in every way possible and while we thought we were fighting him, we weren't fighting him the right way.
July was the worst month of all. Rylee's birthday was July 1 (the only happy occasion), I quit my job on July 2 and on July 3 I broke my heel and my ankle. July 4th our friend and Lora's Mercy sister, Chandra checked in to a treatment center and on July 6th she came to live with us. July 8th held a great anniversary for Lora, 1 year free from self-harm addiction, and I'm grateful we got to celebrate. July 13th Lora had her gallbladder removed and July 18th I had metal put in my foot. July 24th we all got into a huge fight and I ended up leaving the house for good. July 25th I spoke to Lora for the very last time, and July 31st I decided to stay with my best friend Rachel and her husband until I figured out what to do.
When I was originally looking for a place like Mercy, I found 3. One was The Refuge in Vero Beach, FL, one was Word of God Ministries in Greenville, SC and the other was The Hope House in NY. So I decided to come to the Word of God Ministries in Greenville, SC, against everyone's wishes. I had several friends there, one in particular that they did not like at all. But I knew what I was coming for and nothing or no one was going to hold me back. Of course, this meant leaving my girls, and while that was hard, it was also a peaceful decision because I knew I couldn't be the kind of Mom they needed until I got the help, and that meant removing distractions.
So here I am, I left Sept. 1, 2011, and I am doing amazing. I was counseled by Elizabeth at the WOG Ministry and she led me to Celebrate Recovery. There are over 19,000 CR across this nation, and it is an amazing program helping everyone from the faithless to the people with lists a mile long. I think everyone could benefit from CR, it's full of amazing people. It's really hard being away from my family, but I know I did the right thing in order to allow myself to allow God to work in me and make me whole.
So here is where I start my 2012. Praise God for allowing me to even still be alive on this blessed planet, and for keeping everyone I love safe! Let's go 2012, I'm ready for you!
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Since January
I can't believe it's been so long since I've written in this thing, I was getting in such a great habit. I read back through my original postings and it's crazy to me how I've changed only from a few months ago. Life has happened and things are moving along, and I'm such a completely different person now that those postings just reek of anger, frustration and hostility. It somewhat saddens me, but as the same time shows me where I am now and where I've come from.
I did not get into the Refuge in Vero Beach, FL, which was the in-patient PTSD place I really wanted to go to. At first I was frustrated, but I Googled 'Christian PTSD Counseling places in OKC' and as many times and I've Googled the same thing, I've never gotten anything, and now I've found this great place to start doing counseling at. I'm very excited because it sounds amazing, it's close to my house, and I get to stay right here where my family is. I have a great job and an amazing support system and life is going good. I'm going to Victory with my roommate, Lora, and Mark and Jennifer Crowe are amazing! He completely cracks me up every time he speaks. It's great to me the people they have placed on staff there. I have such a heart for the prison ministry and one of the pastors spent time in prison for burglary. He has this incredible testimony and I love that everyone feels welcome in that church!
I actually have had a great revelation since attending Victory. While I was still at The Bridge, we did the David study by Beth Moore, and when Kay Arthur was speaking she just really moved me. So much has happened in my life and I want to use it as a weapon against Satan. I have been through SO much in my life, more than most could even imagine, and without glorifying what I allowed Satan to get away with, I want to allow God to use the things that have happened and I've done in a way that is helpful and healing towards others.
I also just got some devastating news that my cousin, Sean, has been diagnosed with Stage 4 lung cancer. He's just a few years older than myself, and our entire family has always been close. I can't even begin to imagine what it's like to have to hear the words, "Without chemo, you only have about 6 months to live. With chemo, if it works properly, you could have about 12-15." Wow. I was stunned, shocked, and oddly at peace. Most call me a drama queen and normally I'd be flipping out, but as I prayed I just felt this amazing peace and I'm not afraid. I know that God has it all under control, and I think I'm finally learning to trust Him 100%. I want Sean to live to see a horribly old age, and I truly believe in miracles, so that's what I'm praying for, but in the event he goes before us all, I know I'll learn a lot through all of this.
I'll keep this updated better, because I want to be seen as the person I am, not the person I was! :)
Peace, love & fried chicken,
Chele
I did not get into the Refuge in Vero Beach, FL, which was the in-patient PTSD place I really wanted to go to. At first I was frustrated, but I Googled 'Christian PTSD Counseling places in OKC' and as many times and I've Googled the same thing, I've never gotten anything, and now I've found this great place to start doing counseling at. I'm very excited because it sounds amazing, it's close to my house, and I get to stay right here where my family is. I have a great job and an amazing support system and life is going good. I'm going to Victory with my roommate, Lora, and Mark and Jennifer Crowe are amazing! He completely cracks me up every time he speaks. It's great to me the people they have placed on staff there. I have such a heart for the prison ministry and one of the pastors spent time in prison for burglary. He has this incredible testimony and I love that everyone feels welcome in that church!
I actually have had a great revelation since attending Victory. While I was still at The Bridge, we did the David study by Beth Moore, and when Kay Arthur was speaking she just really moved me. So much has happened in my life and I want to use it as a weapon against Satan. I have been through SO much in my life, more than most could even imagine, and without glorifying what I allowed Satan to get away with, I want to allow God to use the things that have happened and I've done in a way that is helpful and healing towards others.
I also just got some devastating news that my cousin, Sean, has been diagnosed with Stage 4 lung cancer. He's just a few years older than myself, and our entire family has always been close. I can't even begin to imagine what it's like to have to hear the words, "Without chemo, you only have about 6 months to live. With chemo, if it works properly, you could have about 12-15." Wow. I was stunned, shocked, and oddly at peace. Most call me a drama queen and normally I'd be flipping out, but as I prayed I just felt this amazing peace and I'm not afraid. I know that God has it all under control, and I think I'm finally learning to trust Him 100%. I want Sean to live to see a horribly old age, and I truly believe in miracles, so that's what I'm praying for, but in the event he goes before us all, I know I'll learn a lot through all of this.
I'll keep this updated better, because I want to be seen as the person I am, not the person I was! :)
Peace, love & fried chicken,
Chele
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