Finished

 انتهى (Arabic),  завършен (Bulgarian), skončil (Czech), færdig (Danish), terminée (French), finito (Italian)........finished. The sounds are all as different as the lands from which they came, yet when it comes down to it, the translation in English slang would be: fade to black, roll the credits, the fat lady is singing......that's it.

I suppose we don't put too much emphasis on this word, however, it holds a lot of power. Lately I have heard, "I don't want to turn out like him/her!" so much that it has truly affected me. Placing a judgement on someone definitely bothers me so much, I try my hardest not to do it, however, when you place that type of a label on someone, you have no idea what you are doing.

It bothers me to hear someone say that, because it all actuality, God isn't finished with us yet. As long as we have breath in our lungs, we are alive and God is still completing His work within us. Isaiah 64:8 says, "We are the clay, You are the potter. We are all the work of Your hands." I have a lot to learn. I’m in awe that the older I get I find out just how much I still have left to learn. Are you the same way? It’s not that I thought I would get smarter along the way, I guess it’s just that I thought I would know how to more confidently handle those things that DID come my way! And I know that’s not always the case. Thank heavens God doesn’t leave me this way! I am so glad that I get the chance to continue to learn and grow – and I’m trying to grasp that opportunity with both hands.

I may not know it all but one thing I do know and have learned is that it’s okay to not know it all. It’s okay for me to admit that “I don’t know” or that I might have made a mistake. I don’t want to be a “poser” or someone who acts like they have it all together; because I certainly don’t. God didn't design us to be perfect, He designed us to be happy, healthy and whole.

No matter how old we are, we can still be learning. We can still be growing, bettering ourselves, rethinking things, and changing our minds about what we like and who we want to be! It’s okay! Don’t let the world scare you into thinking you can never change your mind! I change my mind a lot. Each time I do I seem to get a little closer to the vision I have for myself and what I want for my life. So it’s more than okay to change your mind as long as you find yourself moving forward.

God isn’t finished with me yet. He’s not finished with you either. And those people that we say, "I don't want to turn out like them!" about, He's not done with them either. There’s a lot in our lives to whittle away, mold, scrape off, throw out, gently prod about, and sift. Sometimes it’s painful and other times it’s welcome… just like a storm. But either way we can find solace in the fact that He loves us and He has a beautiful plan for us. He’s not out to harm us, He doesn’t intend on neglecting us, and He doesn’t ever shame us. He encourages, guides, sometimes disciplines, and always, always continues to try and get our attention so we can grab hold onto the life He has in mind for us – a fulfilling life.

I want that. Don’t you? So let’s keep on learning. Let’s do what it takes to gain wisdom, discernment and grow from our past and our mistakes. Let’s swallow our pride and learn humility as we follow His leading and direction. If we want to be better people, if we want to be all that we can be for Him (and for ourselves) it’s the only way.

Trust in Him- for He’s not finished with you yet.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Respect......today I found out what it meant to a lot of people, including myself. Today Westboro Baptist Church showed up in Simpsonville, South Carolina, where I work, to protest the funeral of a 20 year old fallen soldier, Justin Whitmire. He was killed in the line of duty and deserves our utmost respect.

I was raised in a family where I was taught to respect everyone, regardless of age, sex, race, religion, circumstance, etc. There is so much to learn from other people. I truly believe that most are good at heart, and that everyone has something positive to offer to this world. Now, have I always done that? Heh, no. I'd be lying if I said I did. There have been many I've lost respect for, however, most I've gained back, at least to some extent. But in those moments, I still learned something.

Today I had to serve coffee, donuts and anything else on our menu to members of the Westboro Baptist Church. Having seen and heard about many of their protests, the very idea made me want to vomit. I had decided that if they came through our door and I knew they were a protestor, I would do a protest of my own and use my right to refuse service to them. If another member of our team wished to serve them, so be it. My own silent stance against them. Unfortunately that didn't happen because we became so busy that we didn't know Adam from Eve as we practically tossed products at people. Amongst that insane rush were members of Westboro wearing buttons with Justin's picture on their lapels with an X over his face. Such shame I felt, knowing we had no option but to serve them.

After the calm of the rush came, we went to help defend the Whitmire family against any attacks, joining forces with the thousands on foot and bikes that came to do the same. It was such a feeling of unity, and while at times it felt like a parade, it also felt like such an honour to do something to respect a young man that gave up his life so I could stand there holding my flag. I gained a lot of respect for those that were around me. People had come from near and far solely to make sure the family could lay their son, brother, cousin, nephew, grandson and friend to rest peacefully.

Mother Teresa said, "There is always the danger that we may just do the work for the sake of the work. This is where the respect and the love and the devotion come in - that we do it to God, to Christ, and that's why we try to do it as beautifully as possible." I may not have wanted to serve those Westboro people, but I like to think that my attitude after I realized what we had to do was in the right spot. Perhaps this is some of the only kindness these people ever see, and I wouldn't want to place shame on the city that lost such a great young man. I also wouldn't want to disappoint God, who obviously placed them in our path in such a way for a reason.

We protected you because you protected us.

Rest in Peace PFC Justin Whitmire

I Am Me

My first 2012 New Years Resolution is to erase what I see everyday. From the time I was 9, I labeled myself with many different labels due to things that happened to me, things I did, people I hurt, and what I felt like I had become. When I started Celebrate Recovery I knew I feared these labels being true and I needed to face them head on. I wrote out, on my mirror, what adjectives of myself I feared the most, and I noticed as the weeks went on, that I started to not look at that side of the mirror anymore. The words started to blur within me as well. I don't ever want to be narcissistic, but I also don't want to always think of myself in a negative light. So today I wipe those words off of my mirror and out of my mind. A few of them are: dirty, unworthy, unlikeable, not smart enough, never good enough, liar, etc. These are labels I wore as I tried for perfection, which is an illusion. God has designed us not to be perfect, but to be healthy, happy and whole, and that is what I am. Now my mirror will say, I AM ME!

Beginning to End

If anyone does happen to read these posts and they start at the beginning, which was in 2010, I think, I just want to clarify that I have only left them up because my prayer for 2012 is that people begin to see the change in me. If you read those posts, they are full of bitterness, hurt and anger, and I was very full of all of those. But God has radically turned my life around, and while I'll still have my moments as we all do, I pray that the posts of 2012 show who I am now. I still have much to learn and much to work on, but when I read ALL of my posts, I see a HUGE change.

~Chele

My 2011

One of my New Years Resolutions is to write in this thing at least every other day, just for my own sanity. Even if no one ever reads it, I'll have it to look back on. As for my first post, I thought I'd write about 2011...........hold on tight, lol.

For me, 2011 started out with a divorce and moving into the city with a roommate. It was a hard decision to make, it definitely wasn't the favored one, however it was the best decision for me. I started attending a new church and started working. My life was hectic, I worked alot and I let work get in the way of me seeing my girls. I would call and cancel last minute or I'd end up being too tired, and I suffered for it. I wish I could change it, but the only way to do that is to not let it happen again.

With a new life came new friends. I worked with a lot of great girls, but they were also young. I noticed my language got bad, things I would normally never say were constantly flying from my mouth, and I had to learn the hard way about being impressionable. I would rather be a leader, not a follower, but thus wasn't the case. I also made friends at church, and my roommate Lora and I had mutual friends. I began to notice the healthy, God-filled environment that Lora and I had created in our home start to crumble. Satan attacked us in every way possible and while we thought we were fighting him, we weren't fighting him the right way.

July was the worst month of all. Rylee's birthday was July 1 (the only happy occasion), I quit my job on July 2 and on July 3 I broke my heel and my ankle. July 4th our friend and Lora's Mercy sister, Chandra checked in to a treatment center and on July 6th she came to live with us. July 8th held a great anniversary for Lora, 1 year free from self-harm addiction, and I'm grateful we got to celebrate. July 13th Lora had her gallbladder removed and July 18th I had metal put in my foot. July 24th we all got into a huge fight and I ended up leaving the house for good. July 25th I spoke to Lora for the very last time, and July 31st I decided to stay with my best friend Rachel and her husband until I figured out what to do.

When I was originally looking for a place like Mercy, I found 3. One was The Refuge in Vero Beach, FL, one was Word of God Ministries in Greenville, SC and the other was The Hope House in NY. So I decided to come to the Word of God Ministries in Greenville, SC, against everyone's wishes. I had several friends there, one in particular that they did not like at all. But I knew what I was coming for and nothing or no one was going to hold me back. Of course, this meant leaving my girls, and while that was hard, it was also a peaceful decision because I knew I couldn't be the kind of Mom they needed until I got the help, and that meant removing distractions.

So here I am, I left Sept. 1, 2011, and I am doing amazing. I was counseled by Elizabeth at the WOG Ministry and she led me to Celebrate Recovery. There are over 19,000 CR across this nation, and it is an amazing program helping everyone from the faithless to the people with lists a mile long. I think everyone could benefit from CR, it's full of amazing people. It's really hard being away from my family, but I know I did the right thing in order to allow myself to allow God to work in me and make me whole.

So here is where I start my 2012. Praise God for allowing me to even still be alive on this blessed planet, and for keeping everyone I love safe! Let's go 2012, I'm ready for you!

Since January

I can't believe it's been so long since I've written in this thing, I was getting in such a great habit. I read back through my original postings and it's crazy to me how I've changed only from a few months ago. Life has happened and things are moving along, and I'm such a completely different person now that those postings just reek of anger, frustration and hostility. It somewhat saddens me, but as the same time shows me where I am now and where I've come from.

I did not get into the Refuge in Vero Beach, FL, which was the in-patient PTSD place I really wanted to go to. At first I was frustrated, but I Googled 'Christian PTSD Counseling places in OKC' and as many times and I've Googled the same thing, I've never gotten anything, and now I've found this great place to start doing counseling at. I'm very excited because it sounds amazing, it's close to my house, and I get to stay right here where my family is. I have a great job and an amazing support system and life is going good. I'm going to Victory with my roommate, Lora, and Mark and Jennifer Crowe are amazing! He completely cracks me up every time he speaks. It's great to me the people they have placed on staff there. I have such a heart for the prison ministry and one of the pastors spent time in prison for burglary. He has this incredible testimony and I love that everyone feels welcome in that church!

I actually have had a great revelation since attending Victory. While I was still at The Bridge, we did the David study by Beth Moore, and when Kay Arthur was speaking she just really moved me. So much has happened in my life and I want to use it as a weapon against Satan. I have been through SO much in my life, more than most could even imagine, and without glorifying what I allowed Satan to get away with, I want to allow God to use the things that have happened and I've done in a way that is helpful and healing towards others.

I also just got some devastating news that my cousin, Sean, has been diagnosed with Stage 4 lung cancer. He's just a few years older than myself, and our entire family has always been close. I can't even begin to imagine what it's like to have to hear the words, "Without chemo, you only have about 6 months to live. With chemo, if it works properly, you could have about 12-15." Wow. I was stunned, shocked, and oddly at peace. Most call me a drama queen and normally I'd be flipping out, but as I prayed I just felt this amazing peace and I'm not afraid. I know that God has it all under control, and I think I'm finally learning to trust Him 100%. I want Sean to live to see a horribly old age, and I truly believe in miracles, so that's what I'm praying for, but in the event he goes before us all, I know I'll learn a lot through all of this.

I'll keep this updated better, because I want to be seen as the person I am, not the person I was! :)

Peace, love & fried chicken,
Chele

Mountains and Mole Hills

A lot of times when I'm frustrated, I write it all down, re-read it, realize how dumb and childish I'm being and then throw it away.....that way I can't go back later and dwell on it.  It is a great technique, almost like talking to a friend that knows every single little thing, because I'm really listening to myself.

Lately I've been writing down my frustrations, re-reading them and having difficulty throwing them away.  Sometimes I think 'letting go of the little things' is harder than letting go of larger ones.  It's somewhat easy to recognize that I need to let things go in order to move on with life, and I've done so with many things, but sometimes those little mole hills are there and I make them into mountains.

I try very hard not to live in the Land of If Only.  I know that if I do I'll only go insane......and my insanity level is pretty much maxed out.  I try so hard not to ask all the 'why?!' questions, but sometimes they still get the better of me.

We tend to take it to beyond the bonds of the truth, to the extreme, more and more these days.  We seem to dig, dig, dig, that mole hill until we uncover, or find something, to make a mountain out of it.  I, for one, have had enough of all the dug up dirt, all the mud slinging, to last me for the rest of my life. I think that if people ask themselves, what is the purpose of making a mountain out of a mole hill? Maybe everyone would have different answers. To exaggerate the truth to an uncomfortable level is to show their own need for acceptance and meaningfulness. Another might say that it would be boring if we didn't promote sensationalism.  Is it really all about what people think?  Only if you're a politician or TV star.

Truth is, we don't need to exaggerate any truths, the real truth can be hard enough to deal with now days.